democrats

Normalize This?!

I’m beginning to emerge from my shock induced cocoon and replace my funk with fight. The fight I would have gladly taken up if any Republican candidate had won the election. I haven’t been wallowing in self-pity because I am a sore loser. I fully respect the natural order of presidential politics: they get four to eight years, we get four to eight years. Both sides complaining about all the mess left by the previous administration. Promising to protect our respective parties dearest values.

Jeb, Kasich, Rubio, all would have received an obligatory liberal “we’ll be back in four years,” eye roll and I would have bought my Republican friends a round of drinks.

Cruz and Walker would have felt like a punch in the uterus and I would know LBGTQ rights would be an absolute priority.

The rest of bench, prior to the outcome of this election, were not to be taken seriously anyway.

There are two Republican candidates I can say I would have enjoyed because they are their own special kind of crazy: Lindsey Graham and Rand Paul. Can you imagine how much fun those two administrations would be?! Fun in an OMG-No-No-No-At-Least-It’s-Not-G.W. Bush kind of way. Senator Graham is a Southern Bachelor who is not afraid to tell big orange bullies to stick it where the sun don’t shine. And Senator Paul is bat-shit crazy. CRAZY.

No, I am not a butthurt sore loser because the Republicans won the election. I am not a big liberal cry baby refusing to accept a candidate that failed to win the popular vote. I am not a Bernie supporter with misplaced anger issues. I am a human being who refuses to normalize hate for fake cries to unify the country. Hate is a strong word, an even stronger emotion. Hate has plagued America for decades and is not to be taken lightly. What this election needs to become is a wake-up call for anyone who ignorantly thought racism was dead. The difference between this Monday and last Monday is now the fear and hatred have the voice of the highest office in our country. The orange troll we had so many laughs about will now control the military, appoint Supreme Court justices, undo so many rights, and a lengthy list of other possible atrocities. He is surrounded by bigots who will help him shape our country’s future. We deafen our ears to history to keep up the appearance of being kind or civil.

WE CANNOT NORMALIZE HATE.

Voting for Trump did not make someone racist, misogynistic,  xenophobic, homophobic, <insert additional ists and obics here>. It just said they were okay with supporting someone who embraces those ideals. Good for them on finding a way to make peace with that, or rally around it. Whatever rationalization used cannot become America’s new mantra. People have fought and died on these streets of freedom just to bring us to where we are today. The America where a Black man is President and a woman won the popular vote. I don’t don’t when this America was greater, but I will not go back.

Bring the funk because I have a lot of fight.

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Listen To The Kids

hands-220163_640My seven-year-old is terrified of Donald Trump. It all started with Trump’s declaration to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico. He is terrified Trump will win, build a wall, and it will be Berlin all over again. Yes, my seven-year-old knows about the Berlin wall and he made this connection on his own without any prompting from adults. He’s a smart kid and will tell you without hesitation voting for Donald Trump, “…is really stupid.”

The first time he went with me to vote he wanted to make sure two people who loved each other could be married. He was confused why two boys or two girls could not get married. He was confused why someone’s god would not want them to be a family. He was confused about why no one else wanted them to be happy. He enjoyed voting so much he went again with his dad. Being able to vote is important to him, even if he isn’t doing the actual voting. There is no way this kid would let us get away with skipping an opportunity to vote.

The second time I took him to vote was for the Presidential Primary. He was not happy with my choice to support Bernie Sanders. We had a lengthy discussion about all the reasons I was voting for Bernie and not Hilliary. He has been with Hilliary since the beginning. I promised to vote for Hilliary if Bernie didn’t win the nomination, but he had to tell me why he thought she was a better candidate. And he did. This spunky little boy explained to me she was smart, had a nice smile, helped kids, and “has had a lot of jobs.” He can’t wait to go and see a vote cast for her. He talks about wanting to meet her and how she is going to be a great president. This conversation usually ends with another one of his Donald Trump sucks rants.

What does a seven-year-old know about who is qualified to be the next President? A lot. My vote directly impacts his future. My vote is a reflection of whether I believe in the morals I am instilling in him. He is watching, he is listening, and he is taking advantage of any opportunity presented to make his voice heard. He is the future. He is one of the kids who cried when they found out Obama couldn’t be President anymore. I love that his only image of an American President is an intelligent African American man. I love he thinks Michelle Obama is a wonderful, intelligent First Lady. I love that he sees no problem with a woman being the next President. More than all of these things, I love that he knows he has a voice and uses it to denounce hate.

And if he told me Trump would be a good choice, I would listen, openly and discuss why he should have my vote. This is not the discussion he wants to have about Trump, though. He wants to know why he has to leave the room sometimes when Donald Trump is talking, why is he so angry all the time, why does he tell lies, how is going to make things great? No matter how much effort I’ve put into shielding him from the hateful rhetoric, violence, and bullying, he finds out. My seven-year-old is dumbfounded anyone with any intelligence or human decency would consider voting for this candidate.

He sees the negative ads and articles about Hilliary and he asks questions. Emails, Benghazi, defending a rapist, who is Bill…I answer honestly, objectively and give him the opportunity to decide what he thinks. He is still with her. He may one of her biggest fans. As adults, we tend to think we know best. We have better judgement, more experience, more education. We are also more cynical, jaded, and often caught up in the latest news cycle.

As adults, we tend to think we know best. We have better judgement, more experience, more education. We are also more cynical, jaded, and often caught up in the latest news cycle. Kids don’t know everything. When I was a seven-year-old kid, I thought Reagan was amazing. He was handsome, kind, and seemed smart. I got older and learned a lot about the Reagan Administration I didn’t like. We didn’t have 24-hour news channels, the internet, or conversations about politics; politics were for grown-ups to discuss, not kids. Is it possible my son will grow up and change his mind about how much he loves Hilliary? Absolutely. Does that make his opinion right now any less valid? Absolutely not. Listen to the kids. They see and listen from a different perspective we as adults can sometimes miss. This is their future we are deciding, they should have a voice too.

 

Trumpression

Trum-pres-sion n. :

1) The unsettling feeling that this asshat could actually be elected president

2)Overexposure to orange faced hair beasts with cat ass lips

3)Diminishing faith in humanity similar to what is experienced reading most internet comment sections

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The primary source of  all known Trumpression cases

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Meme Credit: Michael Shirey

Dear GOP…we need to talk

Dear GOP,
I feel like I don’t know you anymore. We’ve never really been close, but I’m worried about you. I admit I talk a lot of shit about you behind your back, but you do the same and I have no problem saying it all to your face. I know two wrongs don’t make a right,  but we balance each other out. And I totally just edited out a whole lot of colorful adjectives describing our differences. That’s not what this is about. This is about you and a legitimate concern for your future. String up the banner because this, my right-wing friend, is an intervention.

HIMYM-INTERVENTION

You had a beautiful run with President G.W. Bush. You were at the top of your game. I found comfort hiding in the warm embrace of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and endlessly making fun of your idiot little brother. I say that with the utmost respect for the office of the President, of course. It looked like you were staying in the White House with Sen. McCain until good ol’ rootin-tootin rogue Auntie Sarah stumbled in. Then you showed up four years later with that beautiful, etched from a Republican presidential wet dream, Mitt. The whole damn family looked like they were born in the White House, but alas the Democrats won yet again.

You’ve got your Libertarians; we’ve got our Socialists, but as bitterness began to surface it looked as though the Tea Party was going to force out your lovely conservative, yet level-headed-ish base. Little did we know they were the gateway to something far more toxic. 51BdjKXqDeL._SX522_

I will admit I was nervous going into the presidential election preseason with Mama Hillary against your potential candidate pool. There was big brother Jeb, the possible return of chisel chinned cousin Mitt, Ted “Praise the Lord” Cruz for the evangelicals, Gov Kasich, the “Quiet Storm” (nobody calls him that), and maybe a distant Libertarian cousin, Rand Paul to spice things up.
It was going to be a GREAT season.
And then the crazy uncles showed up. Mine is a messy, adorable man with big ideas and a no fuss attitude. He’s swept in and divided our party, but most of us shrug our shoulders and claim either candidate is better than any Republican.
Yours. Yours is the reason for this intervention, for this much needed reminder of you are/were/could be.
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The whole family showed up to be the Republican presidential nominee. The WHOLE family. And you know not everyone knows when it’s time to go home…I’m looking at you Ben Carson. Somebody wake up Doc Carson, again. After each debate, caucus, and primary someone thanks the good Lord and heads home.
You sipped on that Tea Party crazy so long you went blind! A wealthy, successful, celebrity, entrepreneur takes a liking to you and you lose your goddamn mind (it’s okay, I can say “goddamn”,  I’m a Democrat). He has bullied his way into your soul and poor Jeb took his ball and went home! Jeb, you loved that man, and he’s from a legacy family! Did you even notice him crying in the corner? You friends and family who care about you have been trying to tell you this affair with The Donald has gone too far.

It’s about time for someone to pack Uncle O’Phobicist Trump into the gold plated minivan and head home.

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INTERVENTION!

So who’s it going to be? Who is going to take on Mr. BadHair Huff-n-Puff? Who is going to challenge his antiquated ideals and Hitler-esque style? Who is left on the island to take on the man Fox News might hate more than any single member of the liberal media?
Can the Doctor take on the Billionaire and his trophy wife? Doubtful. (Can he stay awake? Why is this man still running?) I know every election season you start to regret all the shitty things you do to screw over people of color, but propping up one of the most BORING people on earth because he happens to be African-American does not give you any diversity points. Much the same way that air bag Auntie Carly did nothing for your support from women.I know she looked promising, but Fiorina went Palin on you, I think you may have a type.
Who else is left in the pool…cousin Johnnie K from Ohio. Let’s see he’s moderate (well doing his best to shed that image now by attacking women), former Senator, decent Governor, slightly boring, but not like Doc Ben(…did he wake up yet), just wants everyone to get along…nope. I know that choice is much too reasonable, too respectable even. This is an intervention we need to take baby steps not huge leaps of faith (not that I am questioning your faith.) Maybe just call Jeb and check on him. No? Too soon? oqRsRdR
Ok that leaves the half-Cuban cousins Cruz and Rubio.
Their resumes are similar and they both may be attractive to the Hispanic voters you also spend an enormous amount of time screwing over, lump together, and assume their primary concern is immigration. And Teddy has already been going rounds with Trumpy so that seems like a good warm up. Oh wait, Ted’s got that dirty little Canadian secret. Damn.  I want our candidate to compete with your best and brightest (?), even if that is Ted Cruz (I’ll take Narrow-Minded Hate Machines Hiding Behind Jesus, for $1000 Alex.)
Which leaves Marco “Mr. Roboto” Rubio. He was an unexpected addition since this was Jeb Bush’s year and little Marco was raised by Jeb (awkward). You could say he is pretty dreamy with his uber-conservative views, youthful appearance, and fun name. Not Mitt dreamy, but he’ll do.  What Marco can’t do though, is beat Trump.
Even after Trump briefly hooked up with Auntie Sarah and now things are all weird and awkward.
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White people love The Donald in a way only, racist/xenophobic/homophobic/misogynistic, white people can love and that is with a heart full of hate for all things not white or Christian. (C’mon even their Jesus is white!) It’s the Bad-Hair-Don’t-Care Club of hate. Has the Westboro Baptist Church given him their endorsement yet? No, they hate Trump too? Is that ironic? (To be fair the WBC hates pretty much everybody except the WBC.) Also, I am not calling out white people just to call out white people. Watch any Trump event and scan the crowd. It is quite a monochromatic landscape. Shades of White with a splash of orange. And the Silent Majority signs are just asking to be called out on their bs.
 “Make America Great Again” sounds nice, but this slogan carries a truth that should scare the shit out of every non-Klan member American. He is a vile bully and YOUR party’s new poster boy. He is about to be your presidential nominee and while we have all thoroughly enjoyed the show, you need to put his embarrassing, tripe spewing ass to bed.

I know he ignited your alarmists’ flames in a way only an expert media arsonist can. He was the result of attempting to rebel against the sinful, politically correct liberal machine ruining America. A moment of rebellion against the corporate- loving establishment (you love capitalism, remember) because he’s “self-funded” so what? Is he going to self-fund the country so he can always get his way? Does this sound like someone we know? He’s all powerful, only cares about himself despite telling people to love him because maybe loves them…kind of…not at all, doesn’t play well with others, throws tantrums, also has really bad hair days, lives in North Korea…ringing any bells?

Please know I am saying all of this because I care about you. We rarely agree and it is a beautiful thing when we do, but you’ve gone round the bend. For eight painful (for you) years, your party has grown more stubborn and resentful. You gained control of Congress and have halted any meaningful changes, you’ve allowed hate to fuel your momentum, and your family is falling apart. Stop trying to deflect attention from this catastrophe by creating even more Obama Drama! This time you can’t blame us.  This isn’t the war on Christmas; this is real. This is all you, sweetheart. Only you can reevaluate your choices and make meaningful changes. Embrace your Moderates and reestablish your center. Om.

And when you look over to the Left, we will be here, cheering on your efforts to silence the Hair Beast that is decimating your party. We will take up the cause (because that’s what we do) to protect what shreds of dignity you still posses. We are really nice about it, not all in your face like your anti-choice friends. More of an, “I told you so,”  with a hefty guilt trip approach.

For example, “Is this really the GOP you want your born, unborn, or born again children to inherit? <insert head tilt, slight head shake, while patting your hand>.

Please understand our money, endorsements, and volunteers will not be given to ANY of your remaining candidates. We do have our own backyard and crazy (adorable) uncle to tend to after all. Know that we will do more than send you thoughts and prayers and we won’t demean you with our charity or pseudo-socialistic ways . No, we will embrace your need for tough love and remind you of your traditionalist Puritanical beliefs. In as simple and plain as our elitist ways will allow, we will tap into you fear-loving, fire and brimstone needing hearts so that you may fight back against the Orange Cat Ass Mouth Impostor. johnbBecause no one really wants to look at a cat ass and your party already has an orange man you are very fond of (and the Pope hearts him too!)

We can get through this, together.
Love (in a I-have-to-because-we’re-family-way),
 Your Around the Way Girl
P.S. I checked with my people and Obama is not behind this, although it would be the GOAT of pranks.